* If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping it will swim by, you PROBABLY live in New England. * If you're proud that your…

A man walks into a restaurant with a full grown ostrich in tow. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for the order. He says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a Coke," and the ostrich chimes in…

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it. The seven year old…

I was having trouble with my computer, so I called the computer guy . He clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was…

The following is an actual question given on a chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most…

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels ...."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter! March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4…

Two bowling teams, one all blondes and one all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. The brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the blonde team rode on…

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." --- Clarence Darrow "He had delusions of adequacy." --- Walter Kerr "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." ---Stephen Bishop…

As a result of the shooting incident in South Texas when a lawyer was shot by the Vice President, a new set of Hunting Regulations Regarding the Taking and Harvesting of Attorneys will be enforced by the Texas Parks &…

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old…

Bubba and Ray were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."…

1 "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig." 2 "I would not allow this employee to breed." 3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite…