"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
— Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
— David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

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A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! What are you doing?"

The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few hits together.

Some time passes and the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and he's going to get a drink from the river.

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After a day fishing in Montana, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two brown trout in a bucket. He is approached by a Conservation Officer who asks him for his fishing license.

The fisherman says to the warden, "I was not fishing and I did not catch these browns, they are my pets. Every day I come down to the water and dump these fish into the water and take them for a walk to the end of the pier and back. When I'm ready to go I whistle and they jump back into the bucket and we go home. The officer not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.

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Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well. You won't recognize the house when you get home - because we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved 25 miles to Wexford.

I can't send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers with them when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address. The place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, although I'm not so sure it works. Last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen a thing of them since.

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Everyone has a photographic memory. Not everyone has film.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

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A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife.

She rushed in and said, "What is it, honey?"

He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible.   more...
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